Apologize that I have to do this in English. ごめんね。英語で書いちゃいました。
興味がある方は、AIを頼って翻訳版を見てみてくださいね。
Two days sharing the ibasho with another center in Furatto had helped us to learn about the strength and weakness of each other. By a certain reason, we were asked to share our place with another center for about a week. For ten years, we had been running different programs, and there was very little cooperation between. I agreed to it, seeing it as an opportunity to reach out, to learn from each other..
With long hours sharing the same place, I finally realized what are the differences between Furatto and the other ibasho, or maybe most ibasho in general. I find many counselors like to see their clients (in this case, futoko and hikikomori) as people that can't speak for themselves. Or, they feel strongly that they should leave them alone, and not that they were kind, but they are afraid of unnecessary stimulations. Psychiatrists, on the other hand, will see them as patients that needs medication, rest. We have seen a lot of futoko and hikikomori people who being heavily medicalized. Prescriptions are always about rest, avoiding conflicts. School teachers, educators, they are either pushing the students for academic attendance, or they treat them (sometimes spoil them) like their own kids, hoping to protect them from any perceived harm. Avoiding risk, makes it difficult for them to take chalenges.
The other ibasho that we were working with for the past two days, the staffs are absolutely lovely people. They share the students' emotion, they try their best to protect them. During casual conversations, students will look at the teacher to seek hints or approval for answers. And because we (the leading staff and me) knew each other well, and had always been brainstorm on ideas of what we think about the education problems, what was lack in the support system, so we do have trust in between because we know what we agree and disagree with. However, sharing the place with two different set of values and approach styles was a pain to both side.
One of the thing that I learned today about the difference between Furatto and other ibasho, is that we treat people who come to us as friends, equal. So we laugh, we joke, we test the boundaries, so that we can move on without fear. We believe that friends, is what futoko and hikikomori is looking for without realizing it. Not knowing how to make friends or maitain a healthy relationship is what keeps them bound in the circumstance. We know that we cannot take responsible for others, and it is really up to them to choose the way they want to live. We know that because we've been there. We take pride for the empowerment that we are able to provide, but we are also aware our style of approach is probably very unique. Another thing that we work hard on, is to be very careful that what we do and provide do not translate into additive behaviors that foster dependency, potentially leading to a profound sense of emptiness and loneliness once individuals are left alone.
I am often asked to give advice to the public health workers, teachers, counselors, and medical students on what we should be aware of when it comes to reaching out to the futoko or hikikomori people or people with self-harm attempts, suicide ideation. I would say listen and observe. When I say this, I want to bring to your attention about the differences among 同体、同感、and 共感。These three concepts are totally different, but in reality, it is difficult for people to see or act the difference in them. Sometimes, all these three feelings can occur, and trust me, is normal. But what helps, is choose to end with 共感(empathy) at the end of the conversation. Choose to empathy, and choose to empower. Help them to see where the problem lies, and how to approach them, and challenge them. In other words, Lead them to the light, help them to see how they can change. Funny is that, when I am trying to put these in words, I felt that both ibasho are actually aiming for the same thing. So what really is different, is that we operate on peers (our staffs, including me, we have similar backgrounds with our clients). Because of the similar experiences, it is easy to 同体、同感、and 共感。It is very important to have all these three for us.
I repeat.
what helps, is choose to end with 共感(empathy) at the end of the conversation. Choose to empathy, and choose to empower. Help them to see where the problem lies, and how to approach them, and challenge them.
Below is the meaning and definitions of 同体、同感、and 共感。
同体化 (Doutaika):
- "Doutaika" refers to empathizing with others' perspectives or emotions as if they were one's own.
- It involves a sense of merging oneself with others or experiencing their feelings as if they were your own.
- For example, identifying strongly with the emotions and experiences of a fictional character in a novel would be considered 同体化.
同感 (Doukan):
- "Doukan" means sharing similar emotions or opinions with others.
- It involves agreeing with or sharing the same emotions as someone else.
- For instance, saying "I feel the same way" when a friend expresses joy indicates 同感, as you share their emotions.
共感 (Kyoukan):
- "Kyoukan" refers to resonating with and understanding others' emotions or situations.
- It involves empathizing with someone's feelings or situation, deepening the connection and understanding between individuals.
- For example, expressing sympathy and understanding towards someone who has experienced a loss demonstrates 共感.
In summary, 同体化 involves experiencing others' emotions as if they were your own, 同感 involves sharing similar emotions or opinions, and 共感 involves understanding and empathizing with others' emotions or situations.
It is extremely important to know all the facts before giving advice. It’s probably impossible. But it is important to bare that in mind and try to seek the truth behind an incident. Do not forget that some people choose to sweep things under carpet, it’s okay to do that when there is an urgency to it. There is no shame in it. But the same people can be very uncomfortable sitting on the carpet knowing what’s underneath. As it piles up, it becomes threats and pains. They will refuse to leave the carpet because they are afraid if people find out. They find it hard to clean underneath because they can’t face it.
With all the challenges that we faced in sharing the same place, we decided to call this collaboration off. I really hope that the other ibasho will get back in shape, because they will be people who prefer that style of care.
So much to ponder.
Love, Roseline
