The Story of Tetsu

On the way of meeting hikikomori in Japan, there are difficult cases as well as healed cases. I'll continue to share whenever it is possible as the privacy of the clients is preserved and the ethics is not broken. 

What I am going to share with you here is a success story in a church. 

Tetsu had an terrible accident and out of the consequences, he was drop out from the school. He tried hard. He wanted to go into the university, he loves the children, he wants to become a teacher. Feeling bitter and angry about his situation, he had no way to go but hid himself in the room. His English teacher started to invite him to church after he found out Tetsu's situation.  He went back and forth into hikikomori during that year, the same with his faith. He was attracted to the church because it was fun, and the church gave him a sense of family. He started to attend church and the church's activities. But very soon, he fell back into hikikomori situation. The many doubts and uncertainties of his future continue to haunt him. The activities in the church and the accompany of people does not satisfy him anymore. 

The church with their unfailing love tried again. Tetsu, once again being fed by the Word, had more questions. Confining in his room, he thought and thought about it, and out of a sudden, all things started to fall in place and made sense. He shared, "I was setting my eyes on man, and now I am setting my eyes on God." 

He has not give up his dream of becoming a teacher. But through the struggle, he finally got to a point that 'going into the university is not the only way to become a teacher'. Because of his love for the children, he wants to pursue his dream! He will take God's strength and try to live as best as he can! This sudden realization brought him out from the room.

Tetsu is still finding problem communicating with people outside the church, but then he is trying now. He said, "I'm not sure if I will become a hikikomori once again in the future, but I will walk on this road (the way of Christ) and try to live my best out of it." Now, Tetsu has 4 objectives that he wants to reach. 1. Love God more ~ read the bible and understand the Word more and more; 2. Love people around him; 3. Find a permanent job by next year; 4. Take driving class and get a license so that he can help to drive the church van.

Tetsu gave me permission to tell his story. He loves GOD, and he is grateful about Jesus that brought him out from his despair. The meeting with Tetsu encouraged me, and somehow warmed my heart. It is not only about the story that he tells, but the comfortable smile that hung on his face, the qualities that I see in him: 優しい soft yet persistence, seems weak but growing strongly. Aside of labor of love, a lot of prayers were been sown, I believed. 

Please pray with me if you believe. Let's walk with him, and encourage him with our prayers and support!!!

The Triangle Relation 三角関係

Coping = 『......』をうまく対処する

Trust = 信頼

Existence = 存在感

From this research (Yong 2008), with 168 cases being observed or interviewed, "Coping", "Trust" and "Existence" appeared strongly as the basic elements of what the hikikomories think. 

During the process of categorising and conceptualizing the obtained data, coping difficulties seemed to dominate the feelings and claims behind what was being coded and being grouped into categories. The repeated message seemed to be, "I can't cope!"

Some see "me" as the main cause of blame, e.g. "I am a defective product", it is "my" weak personality that had made "me" unable to keep up with the competitive market demands. Some see that it is all about "others" that had forced him/her into hikiomori, for instance "The world is too harsh", "I am overloaded". However in some cases, both "me"  and "not-me" probably had the same weight.

The issue of "trust" was developed from both elements of "fear" and "disappointment". Being able or unable of trust, could be driven from fear and disappointment from past experience. 

The "concept of time", feelings of "dissatisfaction" of hikikomori situation, and "death thoughts" questioned the "existence" of hikikomori. 

『うまく対処できない』ー　自分の問題とか，自分以外の問題とか，悩んでる事です。

『信頼できない』ー　何か怖いとか，何かがっかりしているとか、そして信頼できない。

『存在感弱い』ー　今の状態に不満を抱いているとか、時間をあんまり感じてないとか、死にたいとか、自分の存在の意味に疑問がある事です。

引きこもりの原因と理由は別々にあります。でも，ただ一つの理由のために引きこもりにならないと思う。『うまく対処できない』と『信頼できない』と『存在感弱い』は三角関係が有るとかないとかまだわからないけど、ただ１６８人の引きこもりの状態にいるの人に感じられた事です。そして，その三面からちゃんと考えて，よく祈れば，引きこもりの気持ちを理解できるかもしれない。

THE STAY......

It was really amazing that I was able to stay with Sakichan, and to my surprise, both sisters are caught in the situation of hikikomori. I hope I can write more, but then for ethical reasons, and to protect the cases, I would have to be patience and to filter before I upload this experience of the stay onto the blog. It will take some times, perhaps a month, or 3 months or half year later to upload a full version to the blog.

From now on, this blog will be a journey of searhing hikikomori, or working with hikikomori.

Sakichan had been caught into this situation, wandering in and out of NEET, hikikomori, Freeter for about 20 years now. She likes to get out from this situation, and began to do a lot of research by herself. She is active in the internet, active in the DayCare Center, but she has fear when it comes to real connection. I am the first one from the "hikikomori circle" that she agrees and like to see. We don't know the reasons for her to see me, or why she could take me as a friend, or how the trust could be built.

When Sakichan brought me home, she didn't expect her sister will also became my friend later. However, we started to build our friendship very soon on the first day when I reached her home. There were some comments from them, which I think could be a hints of why the family had opened their hearts to me: i. honesty; ii. righteousness; iii. professional. I think the above three comments were developed on the basis of my strong emphasis on "Let's YES be YES, and NO be NO". I didn't hide anything from them.

Another thing that I had not expect was the chance to explain the findings and the results of the study to the family, and invited them to comment and challenge the conclusions. I didn't even expect that I will show the Hiki T-Shirt that I made to them. And their first responds was laughing like crazy! Hahaha!!! What a fun! I don't know how long have it been that the family had not laughed like this. But then, it was seems to be really enjoying 楽しかった(tanoshikatta).

Sakichan said, "If it is written, 「HIKIKOMORI WE ARE」, it will defintely sells well in YAHOO SALES net!"

But then, the words, 「WE CARE」, I guess, somehow was very powerful. She was in a deep thought after the laugh. I explained to her that this is the T-shirt that I purposely made it for the conference in Walnut Creek, California on last February, so that the people that come for the Hikikomori workshop will remember the connections of the emotions/situations that we found in the research of hikikomori by end of 2008. Although it cost a lot to print the T-shirt, but I think it is worth to invest on this, and people can begin to share it with others and perhaps help to lift up the burdens of people who are struggling with hikikomori.

She felt the love though it is hard for her to believe that why people are praying for them, why people in the far away land are concern about them, but then, she seems to felt the love, 重い感じ, it was heavy.

And perhaps of this "heaviness", the drop of love was able to drip into the little room in her heart......

We do not know...... but let's wait and see what Sakichan is going to do next.

While we wait, let's PRAY!!!